Living with my person

With Valentines day in the past, but love still in the present air. I want to share with you a few of my learning and teaching moments of what it is like to live with my Mr Perfect before being married.

Now I know what some of you may think. Some might see this as a time of judgement for living together out of wedlock, while others might see me as lucky to be able to share a little space we call home before sharing a last name.

Living with my boyfriend is sometimes one of the best choices I have ever made and sometimes the only thing stopping me from committing murder would be thinking about jail time. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love and adore this man to bits.

What I want to get across with this post is a story of loving and learning, together.

I met this hunka-piece-of-burning-love in University while studying, sleeping and mostly partying. We hung out with a group of mutual friends and began spending more and more time together. Then the classic girl meets boy thing happened. We became friends, then best friends and after a while, after me confessing my love for him in a very dramatic way we started dating. (So much more intricate detail to the story, but I will save that for another day).

After a whole hoorah, we decided to move in together and obviously used the excuse of "Life is expensive but if we live together we can't split it half". And just like the big bang went boom, we moved in together in our cosy little space that we now call home.

The first few days was amazing. I would go to work, come home and wait for the love of my life to return home. We would make dinner together and sit at the dinning room table while sharing a meal and a glass of wine. In the morning we would have coffee together and off we went to work and repeat the cycle again and again and again.

But after a while I wanted to sleep in a little bit and he worked late. This became part of our routine now and soon we would not spend the morning sharing coffee in bed, we would have dinner on the couch in front of whatever series we were binge watching at that moment in time and spend the rest of our nights on our phones looking at memes and viral videos. Soon this romantic living arrangement became the source of tears and drama within our small household.

Week days we spend at work, in front of the television and on our phones. We would spend most weekends away from home with family and friends. This meant that the time we shared alone together became less and less.

Now hold your horses, this is not the end...

Habits:

Even though spending less quality time together because life got in the way meant that we fought more. It also made us teach and learn more about each other that we otherwise would not have in a situation where we do not share a space.

We fought about towels, dishes, toothpaste, toilet paper, shoes, washing, food, the bed, toilets, decorations and the list just carries on.

For example; I am extremely OCD when it comes down to my bedding and how it is structured on my bed. So every night before getting into bed I would go around the bed and fix every crinkle in the linen, fix the cushions and lay down the blankets flat on the bed. But not too tight because I do not want to feel stuck inside. But also not too lose because then I will feel the crinkles and all of this will contribute to me getting up at 2 am to fix the bedding before being able to properly fall asleep. In the beginning of our mutual living arrangement he would moan and groan every time I ask him to get off the bed s that I can fix it before falling asleep in my cotton heaven. Clearly irritated with my habit before closing my eyes for the day.

But as time has taught us patience with each other he became accustomed to my sleeping habits. Now a days he tucks in his side while I tuck in my side. Fixes his pillow while I fluff mine.

This is just one stupid example of how we have gotten to teach and learn from one another.

And as I said before, even though spending less quality time together because life got in the way meant that we fought more. It also made us teach and learn more about each other that we otherwise would not have in a situation where we do not share a space.

Having to go through a period of fighting and arguing and laughing and joking, makes you appreciate the smaller moments more. We have grown accustomed to our working schedules and having to juggle life and a relationship in between.

Time sharing:

I had to teach him how to make time and he had to teach me how to be more patient. Vise versa is also true. We had to learn how to be able to give some of our time t each other without suffocating ourselves. He would often dig around in the garden to clear his mind (his time). I would often swim around in the bath tub to my favorite tunes to clear my head (me time). We would have dinner together, watch series together, work out together etc. (our time).

It is very important to be able to do everything together but also equally important to be able to spend some time apart. We are still two very different individuals, the only thing is that we are now being two individual walking two different paths in life together. Hand in hand.

Love languages:

After some recommendations from friends, we thought "Yes we work well together but a little help can maybe go a long way". So we jumped right to it and did the Love language test that you can find on the internet. This test basically explains how you as an individual like to receive love and also how you like to show or give love. As we thought we were total opposites of each other with me wanting to love with touching, hugging and spending time together. He, on the other hand want to do me favors and buy me gifts.

With this new found knowledge of each other I came to understand that he does need some extra alone time. Because when he does come to me for attention it will be quality time instead of quantity time. Yet another opportunity arises for us to learn how to love one another. And in the end less fighting about the amount of time spent together.

Talking:

When talking to your dear love in a fit of rage with steam blowing out your ears can sometimes be a difficult one. But we have made one rule and to this one rule we try and stick when things get a little bit heated. Well it is actually a few rules but the main rule is RESPECT.

So very simple and easy. No shouting, no swearing, no bad mouthing. He would usually sit down and ask me to sit down next to him. This helps us to calm down, look each other in the (at that moment) stinking eye and have a conversation or debate instead of an argument.

Motivation:

I would like to think that I am his biggest fan and supported. With the song lyrics "oh, I think that I found myself a cheerleader, she is always right there when I need her" playing in his head whenever I support or cheer from the side lines.

It can sometimes be hard to support someone when you do not understand the method to their madness. But being someones person sometimes means supporting them in something even when you do not fully comprehend or understand. This is what being there for and supporting your special person means.

As we spend more and more time sharing a space and sometimes even a toothbrush. We learn more and more about each other.

We have learned to managed our time in order to spend those moments cuddling and talking about the day. We learned how to talk to one another when the flames feel like burning through your skin. We also learned how to motivate and support each other.

And most importantly we have learned to love one another through thick and thin..

As always,

Thank you so much reading.

Lots of love,

Lelani

xoxo